How to Dedicate your Soul to Satan

So I came across this fantastic website called the Joy of Satan, which is a site dedicated to the worship of Satan. It provides many insightful pieces of wisdom on Satanism such as its origins, Satan's sermons, exposing Christianity, joining Hell's Army, and of course how to dedicate your soul to Satan.

This process begins with a very personal formal ritual. The site gives you a list of necessary items to preform this ritual including one or more black, blue, or red candles, a sterilized razor or needle, a piece of clean paper, and a dry pen. The first step is to copy the prayer down on your piece of paper. The prayer is as follows:

"Before the almighty and ineffable God Satan/Lucifer and in the presence of all Demons of Hell, who are the True and the Original gods, I, (state your full name) renounce any and all past allegiances. I renounce the false Judeo/Christian god Jehova, I renounce his vile and worthless son Jesus Christ, I renounce his foul, odious, and rotten holy spirit. I proclaim Satan Lucifer as my one and only God. I promise to recognize and honor him in all things, without reservation, desiring in return, his manifold assistance in the successful completion of my endeavors."


After writing down the prayer, the person needs to bathe, as a sign of respect. Then, light your candles. Now take your needle or razor and cut your left index finger. Sign your name in blood at the bottom of the prayer. Finally recite the prayer aloud, fold the paper and let it burn in the candles. Now many stay on until the candles go out to meditate, but this is not mandatory. Before leaving say the words, "so mote it be" and "Hail Satan!"

Flesh Eating Bananas! ahh!

A recent internet chain letter claimed that the bananas imported from Costa Rica have been infected with a flesh eating bacteria known as necrotizing fasciiti. The letter claims that this disease is able to "graft" itself into the fruits of this region, specifically bananas. The local monkey population has been destroyed by this terrible epidemic.

The warning goes on to say that you should not buy bananas for the next two to three weeks to allow the CDC to recall all infected bananas and get this situation under control. If you have eaten a banana in the past two days and have come down with a fever or skin infection seek medical attention immediately. They also provide do-it-yourself care if you live more than an hour away from a hospital: burn your skin ahead of the infection to prevent spreading. Oh and this was issued by the Manheim Research Institute, Center for Disease Control in Atlanta Georgia.

http://hoaxbusters.ciac.org/HBUrbanMyths.shtml#needlestheater

The Mad Gasser

In August of 1944 mass hysteria hit the town of Mattoon, Illinois. A prowler was loose, a tall gangly man dressed in black with carrying a flit gun was attacking the homes of many. The first victims were Mr. and Mrs. Urban Raef. They claimed to be weak and nauseated and when Mrs. Raef went to check to see if she left the gas stove on, she couldn't move. Later that night, another report was filed, this time by a young mother whose daughter suffered from serious coughing fits and that she couldn't get out of bed. The initial response to the gasser was one of robbery. After the first two incidents, about a half a dozen more sighting were reported, though no evidence was ever found. Also, none one could give a good description of the gasser.

Hysteria continued and people claimed spotting footprints or tears in window screens. A month later, the police had received so many false alarms of the Mad Gasser that they lessened their search and claimed that it they were explainable occurrences that got out of hand by a few scared citizens. After the police lessened their search, the number of reports also diminished. Chief of Police C. E. Cole later announced that the Mad Gasser was entirely fictional and that the reported incidents had been triggered by a local chemical spill in an industrial waste center.

Mass hysteria raged rampant in Mattoon, Illinois. After one incident, most people become alarmed and look for things that seem abnormal and let their imagination wander. This was one of those situations.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mad_Gasser_of_Mattoon

http://www.eiu.edu/~localite/coles/mattoon/gasser/Mattoon%20headlines.htm